Sections 2 and 2.1.1

[john+rfc@…]

(B.5) Section 2 - material after the figure

The last sentence of the first paragraph after the figure is
redundant with the first bullet point that follows it. The two
should be consolidated. In addition, I think that even some of
us who think we know what "executive management" means are less
clear about "exercise executive management over". Perhaps you
mean just "oversight" and should be sure the boundary
relationships and mechanisms are described elsewhere?

If you retain "(which can be seen as ...", it should probably
be "(both of which can be seen as..." to prevent an obvious
ambiguity.

The third and fourth bullets are either redundant or confusing.
If you meant "design" or "define" rather than "development" in
the fourth one, made that change, and reversed their order,
things would be more clear, but I'm not sure that is what was
intended.

In the sixth bullet, the current text implies that the RSOC is
required to approve, which certainly cannot be the intent. How
about either "...and policy documents. These documents will
be reviewed by the RSOC and approved by it before final
publication." or "...and policy documents subject to review and
approval by the RSOC", whichever one is actually intended.

The last paragraph of the introductory material to Section 2 is
largely redundant with material discussed in A.2 above.

(B.6) Section 2.1.1, first paragraph

"...which are then provided to the RSOC and the IASA." can be
read as "an then buried or kept secret" and there may be some
history to justify that concern. The sentence should read
"...which are then provided to the RSOC, the IASA and
to the community. If the IAOC concludes that it is necessary,
private financial details may be elided from the public
version." or words to that effect

Further comments about vendor selection appear under B.26 below
(comments on Section 4.1), but note that, despite the
cross-reference, there is some redundancy between 2.1.1 and 4.1
that could safely be eliminated.

[jmh@…]

Changes have been applied to the working draft.